It is interesting to me that there is a highly spiritual "glamorizing" of the concept of virginity.
"True love waits" is the constant cry of many, with the opposite extreme being the complete meaninglessness of sex (often a strawman portrayal, as very few would actually have sex if it was really so pointless).
I recently argued with a professor I highly respect in class that being male does not equate with wanting sex in every interaction with a female. It highly bothers me that this is how men are portrayed, despite my cynicism regarding my own gender. The reason for this is that no one merely wants sex.
And yet, everyone wants it. If it is only guys that are after sex constantly, then why is it easy for them to get it? Do women just bear it so they can have "the relationship" (like those are two separate things), or do women get something from sex too?
Furthermore, premarital sex has been spoken of in the same breath as alcohol abuse and drugs. Why? Are they really the same thing, the same level of "sin," or has sex become an easy target, something that has been so demonized that we've broken something about ourselves?
If it really is true that the Christian does not have sex before they are legally married, then why do most people I know, once they're not in a setting where they must give the "correct answer," admit freely to their practices?
My generation simply does not believe that "true love waits" anymore, even if they pay lip service to it. The reason for this, I think, is twofold.
Firstly, some people just don't buy it. Like any reactionary sentiment, it is hard to continue to believe something once there is nothing to react to, and when the reaction is to something that humans are created to enjoy, the reaction itself should be re-evaluated.
Secondly, even affirming that true love waits is to bring one's focus more closely onto not doing a thing. Virginity in itself is a negative term, stating that one will "save oneself" by "not doing something."
I know it is possible to redefine the term "virginity" and to make an argument against this particular point. However, to do so, one must go against the predominant etymology of the word, an action that I don't think is particularly helpful.
The solution I would offer is to be honest with ourselves and others about wanting sex, and to cease making it a source of shame with the concept of virginity. It is silly to speak constantly about what one will not do, and not beneficial, psychologically, once one does get married.
Some say that they are still "soul virgins" during marriage, because of the concept of being wholly for another person. In my opinion, because of the negative context of the word virginity, that though this concept is helpful, the word should be distanced from the concept itself.
To concisely state my point, then, I believe that we should stop lying to ourselves and to everyone around us about sex. Whether it is by not speaking about it except in the context of virginity and portraying oneself as "pure," (ironically so someone will eventually have sex with us and we will gain that acceptance) or if it is really believing that men are the only ones that want the act of sex, or that the act should possibly stand apart from the context of commitment, love, and respect, it is simply silly to deny that humanity stands apart from the concept of virginity.
Our actions, our reactions, and our conversations about it have killed our appreciation for our own sexuality, and then we wonder why sex is an idol for almost everyone. The only helpful alternative to the status queue is to rethink our orientation toward sexuality and virginity, lest we continue the same cycle, begetting a lack of understanding or caring about any perspective but our own, concisely termed as dogma.